It’s easy to forget how arbitrary many of the standards and expectations we measure ourselves against actually are.

So many of them were put in place for other people’s reasons, in different contexts to our own, and for purposes that are no longer relevant or sufficient. But path dependency takes over, and before we know it, we’re measuring ourselves against standards we had no say in. Standards we inherited. Standards that aren’t our own.

And, of course, it’s usually easier to keep going than to find a new way and create one’s own standards. The path of least resistance seduces and disincentives bold deviations. As does a fear of losing status by turning one’s back on pre-ordained ways of doing things.

But what do our own standards look like? And how would we fare if we tried going by them for a change?

Undoubtedly, there are all sorts of standards that hold up and have value, so I’m not suggesting all of them should be disregarded. But when we face things like doubt, shame, embarrassment, fear, indifference, boredom, and frustration, it’s probably a good time to take a step back and take note of the associated standards we’re engaging with.

Sometimes it may be unavoidable – or even necessary – that we’ll have little choice but to engage with something uncomfortable. But more frequently than we realise or care to admit, we may be optimising for the wrong yardstick.

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The Thoughts of Others

• “If receiving praise is what one is after, one will have no choice but to adapt to that person’s yardstick and put the brakes on one’s own freedom.” – Fumitake Koga & Ichiro Kishimi