A lonely place it twas
Being quite a twat
Have you heard of Murphy?
A quite demeaning sight

A demeaning sight you say?
Yes, that’s very true
To look at a man you say?
Babe, don’t make me say this two

And so there was a pause.

Then endeth did the pause
While we weighed these dangers up
A fight just with our paws?
I think I’ll stand here with my tub

Nice and tight it keeps the air out
Reliable is my tub
A lovely tub to keep about
Such is my airtight tub

Yet still ungracious lengthy pause
It’s rather awkward now
Disregard our nature’s laws
Sir!
Please don’t treat me like a function room!

Then perhaps you’ll say it three?
Or maybe even four?
Johnson’s face was livid now
Then he walped into Mel’s door

So NOW perhaps we’ll have that fight?
Fine, but then I’ll climb aboard a bee
You’d do such a very noble thing?
You’d climb aboard a bee for me?

No, that’s never what I fucking said
You’re just not listening now
Lo, I’d like to be in bed
But it’s occupied by Cow

And so the fight did not occur
It was The Nearly Fight
No one wanted faces slapped
Yes, it was The Nearly Fight

And here’s the arse-end of this poem
Perhaps you wonder why?
I guess these words were sort of flowing
And yet I never really tried