Brandy, the Doberman, was on a mission to deliver a very important package to a very important woman. They did not know what it contained. It was a mystery. Maureen agreed.

As Brandy made haste across the northern terrain, package in fangs, they realised that time was running out. They would need to solicit the help of a very fast driver. This was when they called Nixon. Despite appearances, he was fast and he could carry weight like an Ox. But could he drive? Yes. Like a fucking nutter. He collected Brandy and, of course, Brandy yodelled anxiously in the famous way that dogs tend to do sometimes (once you’ve seen it you can’t forget it).

They made haste across the Northern terrain but now they were being pursued by a very large horse. It was seeking revenge for the poor choice of words that Brandy had used to describe Frankie Dettori. The outlook was grim. Drama ensued. The horse reared onto its hind legs and Brandy barked before taking a pound of flesh out of the neck of the horse. Nixon sat in the vehicle, watching. He still had that Presidential face and crooked smile; you know, the endearing one. When the battle was over the horse was dead. Dead horse. Northern terrain. Nixon keen to make tracks. Not an easy day.

They made haste over a bridge; it nearly collapsed. They made haste through a village; it nearly alleviated the guilt from all those painful years of being obsessed with Angela Merkel. They made haste into the city; the markets were down two per cent. Bankers were naked in the street. The rain came, the sun flailed. Brandy stopped for a quick lunch and the waitress ran over her paw with a trolley. It really was turning into one of those days.

It was eight at night before they arrived at the door of the very important woman, bearing the mysterious package. Unfortunately, she had been in a very serious accident and, inconveniently, she was dead. Brandy and Nixon headed back in poor spirits. They thought they might as well open the package. They did. It contained a very nice wig. Nixon put it on and looked innocent for the first time in his life.