Why Liverpool and not Everton? Why Celtic and not Rangers? Why Land’s Tooth and not Land’s End? Truly, it’s a question. Why why why why why? These are the questions that turn us into procrastinators. These are the questions that keep Murdoch dining at expensive establishments. These are the questions that many Popes have failed to answer. Categorically, at least.

We have inklings. We have two front teeth, a belly button and an inherent human desire to be stroked by a very attractive person while nibbling on some cheese.

These are the questions, would you deny? I don’t think you can.

As for Harvey, the Toothless Obsessor, he liked Liverpool. He liked red. It was genetic. Skipping a generation it was passed down by his grandfather and they all conveniently ignored the fact he was a sex pervert. Dirty movies. Dirty ideas. Dirty shoe shine. Harvey, the Toothless Obsessor. They all knew him. Some waved. But it was begrudgingly. It feels rude not to return a wave, even if the person put an uninvited toe into an ear. Ah, cognitive dissonance.

So, back to the initial point. Did Noam Chomsky have a fair case when he said that Everton were the true reds of Liverpool? Possibly, but it’s rumoured he was getting a foot massage from Duncan Ferguson at the time and I believe that’s the measure of a very desperate man.